Sway to the rhythm of a new world order

move over, gaiman

2009-07-12T20:41:30Z

Haha, while I was reading new stories at Strange Horizons, I came to one that I became increasingly more enamored with as it progressed, until I got to the beautiful end and immediately prepared to hunt down whatever other stories the author had written.

It was, of course, Tim Pratt.

Yes, it's finally official. I'm in love.

"throbbing manhood" almost slipped in there, i swear

2009-07-05T13:29:46Z

So the drabble challenge I'm taking on now (because the others have gone so well /sarcasm) requires one hundred words or less. Me, being me, interpreted that as one hundred words only, so that's what I've been doing. Somehow it's working with my perfectionism. Also, it's helping me practice my porn without a fear of getting wordy. I can't get purple in one hundred words or less. But damn it, I'm sure as fuck my brain'll try.

_

2009-06-26T01:26:48Z

He's dead. Michael Jackson is dead.

I don't even have words right now. Rest in peace, MJ.

icon relevant

2009-06-25T10:25:42Z

Did anybody else know Orson Scott Card was outside his damn mind?

Before I was even halfway halfway through the essay I just stopped and said "NO" over and over again out loud. I finished it and now I'm somewhere between laughter and horror. And apparently this isn't even his first time writing about the sin of homosexuality.

For some reason this bemused me. I mean, I see this guy's books on sci-fi and fantasy shelves; he's won awards and shit. Guess I've got to keep in mind that being cool in some respects does not keep one from being stupid in others. Although, to be fair, I didn't want to read Ender's Game even before this.

men and wolves and trolls, oh my

2009-06-25T06:03:13Z

Most recent library haul produced two mermaid and three werewolf books. The mermaid books were decent, entertaining considering how hard it is to find any mermaid book, let alone ones that tell an actual story.

The werewolf books were much better, and I was pleasantly surprised by the homosexual themes in Elizabeth Bear and Sarah Monette's A Company of Wolves. The summary careful sidesteps that aspect of the novel, so I was two chapters in and delighted when the main character accidentally stumbled on two burly Norse men going at it; even more delightful was the intense plot, characters, and storytelling. Probably one of the best books I've read since The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, and both were about a young man coming of age under extraordinary circumstances, his sacrifices and adventures. That's one kind of story that writers seem to do amazingly well. A shame female coming-of-age stories never seem to be as powerful and intricate.

A Company of Wolves played a lot with gender roles: the main character is mentally and emotionally bonded with a female alpha wolf, and her mating season puts him in a complicated position with the men bonded to the wolves who mate with her. He has to struggle with conflicting ideas of masculinity and femininity, power and submission, honor and sacrifice, all while fighting a war in defense of his homeland. It's pretty amazing, and funny, and disturbing, and moving. And hot. Did I mention hot? Bad-ass warriors getting heavy in the sheets (or bear skins, as it were)...what's not to love? My favorite part was the enduring friendships and intimacy between the men, and between them and their wolves. I'm a sucker for relationships.

Besides one unsettling scene that mirrored a gang rape (it wasn't quite that, but we're given the clear impression that it was close) I recommend this book.

meme time

2009-06-24T13:17:04Z

1. Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme and their current wallpaper on their Livejournal.
2. Explain in five sentences on why you're using that wallpaper!
3. Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!

1. Credo, the one-winged dark knight, from Devil May Cry 4.
2. Looks very neat and sexy on my desktop, black background, awesome design.
3. It's DMC, pics of which make up most of my backgrounds.
4. And it's Credo, so that obviously makes it cool.
5. Look at him!

I'd have a racier background, except I've fallen into that trap before. Nothing like somebody borrowing your computer for a minute only to be greeted by lovingly detailed yaoi art.

loves me some metaphors

2009-06-22T10:16:14Z

I love to see Twilight being made fun of as much as I love seeing any urban fantasy ripped apart. Not out of any particular dislike of the authors or even their arguably bad writing. In fact, I like what I've read of Meyer (a short story that I thought was pretty sweet) and I don't like the personal attacks taken against her. The woman hit a goldmine with female fantasy and more power to her. The fact that popular female fantasy can't differentiate between forbidden love and abuse says more about all of us than Meyer alone.

In all truth, personally, I am a sucker for forbidden, metaphor-heavy monster/human romance. It's one of the reasons Beauty and the Beast was my favorite fairytale as a kid and my mind does all kinds of fun stuff to the sex-implicit Red Riding Hood story and to this day I'm moved by Buffy and Angel's relationship. So I can definitely see the appeal in a story such as Twilight. It's the kind of thing that never gets old - an inhuman being loves a human (usually a woman, but occasionally the nonhuman is female lusting after a man) and hijinks ensue. In legend, that usually got you a lot of rape, because nonhumans have power with no pressing need for a conscience, so why wouldn't they do as they please?

I think that was a missed opportunity in Twilight, to exercise metaphors for rape, drug addiction, and co-dependency. The potential for an intense love in a fucked up way is incredible and incredibly wasted. Edward desperately wants Bella's blood, stalks her and threatens her safety with his interest, resents that he can't control her (by not being able to read her thoughts) and hates himself for this desire. Bella is a loner, average, uninteresting and unwanted, but here's this guy who wants her so badly, and all she has to do to feel loved is to give up autonomy and her life, become and remain a victim, helpless to his mercy or lack of the same. The price of being loved by the inhuman is a high one, and is it worth paying to be special, even for a moment?

I would fall over myself for a story like that. Losing yourself for a relationship, and with Edward and Bella, both sides lose. Edward gradually loses what humanity he has left and Bella what individuality she has left. She starts living for him and he stops living at all. And the books end with him almost killing her and destroying them both in the process.

Yes, I know Buffy did it first. But Buffy was a hero and Angel had an excuse for his evil. Bella is a train wreck and Edward an intrinsic son of a bitch, so this would be much more fun.

I dunno, I want to take Twilight's foundations and build a story much creepier, much more intense, with much more bittersweet ending. Of course...there's nothing stopping me. All I need is a human and a vampire, and do what other vampire writers have yet to do to my satisfaction. It probably won't ever be a bestseller, but boy, would I have fun.

this is my surprised face

2009-06-13T00:09:28Z

This just in, folks: Adam Lambert is gay! GAY! Seriously!

...also, the sky is blue, fire is hot, and shooting yourself in the head might be fatal. Just in case you didn't know those things, either.

Kris Allen understood it better than anyone. I mean, there's only so many times a guy can look at you like this:

...before you suss out it isn't just because he really likes your hair.

threesome y/y?

2009-05-12T01:12:02Z

I just want it on LJ record that I loveloveLOVE Randy Orton and his Legacy. Seeing him saunter out to the ring flanked by his delicious butt boys Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase is the highlight of my Monday night. Hell, it may be the highlight of my week.

reporting for duty

2009-03-19T20:13:09Z

You know, the internet is an amazing thing. Easily the most important invention that contributes to the unfettered communication of products and ideas between people since, what, the printing press, the telephone, the railroad... I'm in a mood to be both impressed and terrified by the rapidly-increasing power of technology right now, and the contrast with how little it's actually managed to change essential human nature.

This fascinating insight is brought to you by a brand new computer, cheap and basic but still far better than the stapled-together Frankenstein I had been using before. I might actually be able to play games on this one without possibly blowing it up. And this flatscreen monitor is the absolute shit. I'm seeing colors I didn't even know existed, crisp like fresh fruit off the bloody vine. Not to mention I got what I think was a murderous deal for it: PC, monitor, and all-in-one printer for less than four hundred dollars, and I didn't have to upgrade to Vista. Is Best Buy my new best friend now? You bet your sweet ass it is.

Nothing important to add, life remains an ever-surprising shitfest, except that after a brief stint in the hospital and major surgery, I'm finally healthy again and ready to get back to living. So, positive way to start the year.

Anyway, to celebrate my new scanner, cat pictures!

Diva, mouser extraordinaire and certified center of the known universe, will eat anything except seafood and dreams of one day getting to those damn birds that exist in that incomprehensible place known as Outside.

Nova, high-flying daredevil and reincarnated queen of the Nile, knows without a doubt that the end of all we know is nigh and is prepared to face it with feline cunning and tail whipping in the wind as she flees for her life.

my stance on the princess and the frog

2008-08-03T03:16:10Z

I have been looking forward to this ever since I first heard stirrings about it back in 2007. I was raised on Disney; they were my initiation into the world of animation, the beginning of my love for it. Despite all their flaws - their many racial faux pas, for one - I forgave them a lot because they delivered incredible music, stories, heroines, and art, in a world where animation was sorely unappreciated.

There are pretty much no black people in Disney films. Off the top of my head, I remember the engineer guy from Atlantis. Oh, I forgot. Kida's people from Atlantis were suggested to be black - then there were the muses from Hercules. There's animals meant to represent black stereotypes, there's creatures with black voices. But almost no black people. Now, here they come with a film with not only black people, but starring a black female character. I almost died from sheer glee. It's the new millennium, I thought, decades since they introduced Sunflower the pickaninny donkey-centaur servant in Fantasia. There's no way they can get this too horribly wrong. I can't wait.

Oh, my high expectations, Disney. How you shake them.

First, they decide to set the story in 1920's New Orleans - during the Jim Crow era. Okay, not necessarily unwise, maybe it'll be rich with culture and lots of jazz (although couldn't they have used Harlem for that?) Then, they decide to involve voodoo elements. Um, well, I wouldn't advise it, but if they don't get all dedicated to the idea, they could probably avoid any major offense. In the midst of these bits of doubt, a glance at the production art for princess Tiana (formerly Maddy the chambermaid, but they backed off that error faster than a fly off a hot stove) had me virtually on the edge of my seat with delight - in almost all of them, she actually looks black! Not a white princess painted brown like all the "black" Barbies before her, but black - dark skin, full lips, wide nose, wonderfully natural curly hair. Beautiful and cute as a button, like any Disney princess. She gets a black voice actress and everything.

Maybe they really mean to get this right, thinks I. Of course they'll get some stuff wrong, but the important aspects seem to be coming along!

And now, finally, FINALLY, we get an official teaser trailer. Here it is.

...um. Okay, they made Tiana a bit generic since the sketches. Some of the ethnic's been removed. She still sounds like she has a lot of personality, still beautiful, and frankly, I'm just thankful they didn't make her some "acceptably" light-skinned Halle Berry lookalike. I can roll with this. She's still awesome.

But. But the firefly.

Uh, Disney? Having a toothless, disproportionately-shaped, dull-eyed character that speaks like something out of a Rednecks R Us advertisement does not help you look less like a prejudiced corporate asswipe. I'm hopeful, but every time I rewind and watch that slap in the face at the end, that balloon deflates just a little bit more.

As a YouTube commenter said: This will either be really good or really bad.

Oh, god, please don't let them screw this up beyond saving.

rocks fall and everyone dies

2008-07-03T17:17:45Z

I enjoyed reading Interview With The Vampire again; mostly because I knew where it was going this time, and could appreciate the good aspects while braced against the bad. I'm still steering clear of anything else written by Anne Rice. Every book I've read by her is lush and atmospheric, but miserable and increasingly moralistic. Nobody is really likable, none of them are decent people, and no one's ever really happy, yet they all spew this crap about good and evil that just gets annoying after awhile, instead of deep and compelling. The language, the luxury, the interaction, and many of the themes, all excellent, but by the end I just feel exhausted, like for all its beauty, it wasn't worth it. There's no triumph, no sympathy, no hope. Just waiting for everyone involved to die.

I appreciate angst, but not for four hundred pages. Life's too short. God, I need some vampires and some werewolves who don't make my eyes cross with their utter pointlessness. One werewolf book left by Alice Borchardt that I haven't read yet, and then I'm up the river. Oh, gods of genre, bestoweth upon me once again a supernatural novel which doesn't suck...eth. Preferably with werewolves. Preferably with cool werewolves.

If I have to wait the twenty years necessary for me to successfully write these things myself, I'll be very cranky.

to be banished into eternal damnation, amen

2008-06-17T01:35:06Z

I have come to the conclusion that Alucard of Hellsing fame is the best vampire ever. Him and the vampires (all the supernaturals, actually) in the movie Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. Genuinely terrifying, inhuman, and bad-ass, not some limp, easy-to-kill, near-mortal androgynies whining about how hard everlasting life and superhuman abilities are. Alucard may have his reservations about immortality, but I bet my vena cava that he loves every minute of fucking everybody's shit up.

I want my vampires to be creepy. I want them to be monstrous. I want them to turn into mist and hang from the ceiling, to manifest a thousand eyes or devouring faces in their palms or blades out of their cloaks, and still be rapaciously sexual. Vampires are the undead, for god's sake. They should make your heart stop in your chest, not tingle with sympathy for their wretched but well-dressed existence. It was all well and dandy to make them mundane for awhile, if only for the hilarity of an immortal bloodsucking fiend being obsessed with Scooby Doo (ala Patricia Briggs' Mercy Thompson books), but now it's boring.

Aaaand I think I'm starting to feel the same way about werewolves. I'm tired of werewolves portrayed as mundane - and yes, even when they're monstrous, they're monstrous the same way a rabid wolf is: Scary, very hard to kill, but not alien. Not something not of this world. Not boiling out of the unfathomable woods as a black mist that corporealizes into a wolf-creature to pour in through your mouth and every pore, possessing your very soul...yes.

I also don't think monsters need to be unaesthetic or asymmetric to be horrible. It's more subtle than that. In a lot of ways the most monstrous thing of all is perfection.

Really, I'm gonna have to ponder awhile about the nature of monsters. A vamp or a wolf or a demon can be a relatively decent creature, but s/he's still not human and I think people neglect all the horrific fun that can be had with that. They effectively anthropomorphize monsters to make them easier to connect with, which I don't think is necessary. Some parts of the monster should be comprehendable - other parts should be as horrific as an insect burrowing under your skin to lay its eggs. The insect doesn't necessarily mean any harm, but it is what it is: Something you don't ever want happening to you.

Alucard (Hellsing): The ultimate vampire monster. Listing all of his powers would take forever, so we'll stick with the goodies: Seemingly limitless shapeshifting, shadow manipulation, walking through walls, telepathic connection with his fledglings, invincible recovery up to and including being eviscerated, beheaded, torn entirely to gory shreds by a rain of bullets or, theoretically, even dissolved by chemicals, manifests a vicious spirit dog (named Baskerville!) out of his own body to eat transgressors, and has tens of thousands of familiars imprisoned within him, his victims throughout hundreds of years of life. Crazy as a bat and all the more beloved for it.

Raziel (Legacy of Kain): Vampirism taken to another level. He's twice undead - murdered as a human, lived so long that his hands and feet became cloven and he grew wings, then murdered as a vampire, to become a blue-tinged, skinless, jawless (resulting in a gaping maw through which he absorbs the souls of the dead and undead), usually incorporeal abomination with no internal organs who can glide, climb sheer stone, and uses a soul sword lovingly wrapped around his arm as pure energy. All that, yet he is nonetheless gorgeous (to me, but I'm strange that way).

Meier Link (Vampire Hunter D): Another vampiric pretty boy, only albino this time and with no reflection with which to admire his studliness, who can destroy holy items, break glass, create frost and kill plants with his very aura, fly, teleport, communicate telepathically, use telekinesis, transform an entire village into ghouls in one night, and apparently morph any part of his body and clothing into organic blades or shields. You can only imagine what he must be like in bed. Vividly. With surround sound.

Nevan (Devil May Cry): Icon-related. I almost forgot this girl, but she is a fine specimen of wicked cool vampire (although not explicitly defined as such, she's close enough). Beautiful in a distinctly discomfiting way - her design shows how extremely pale, translucent skin would look in real life, veiny and strange - and commanding legions of bats, along with the ability to use versatile shadows for assault, defense, and invincibility. And a bonus: Electricity, including launching energy balls and supercharging the atmosphere around her. Would give all the other male vamps a serious run for their money.

Edit: Oh my god, I just realized something. Alucard/Nevan. Muthafucking yes.

for the horde!

2008-04-24T04:03:36Z

I don't like people whose acceptance of what is being said to them hinges mostly on whether or not they happen to like the person saying it. Not respect what that person has said before or anything, just personally like that individual. I really, really don't like that. You could be the devil himself, but if there's a shred of sense in an otherwise loathsome diatribe, I'll accept that shred. I'll still despise you as a person and disregard ninety percent of what else comes out of your mouth if it's crap, but that doesn't change the value of that shred. It exists outside of your individual worth.

I just really can't stand it when credibility gets in the way of validity. Maybe it's all the Law and Order I watch. I get so heated when a witness is torn down based solely on his or her personal reputation, rather than the pure legitimacy of the testimony. People who can't be objective about anything drive me loopy. I could hit them all in the mouth with a sack of bricks.

...Objectively speaking.

baby, look how far we've come

2008-02-16T21:26:18Z

The more things change...

more musing

2008-02-05T12:50:51Z

Okay, so, basically, all of the Council of the Order (or whatever they're called) members that we actually get to know are named after Gregorian chants of the Roman Mass, which are Latin.

Agnus: "Lamb"; full title is Agnus Dei, which is "Lamb of God".
Credo: "I believe"; such as in the case of Nicene Creed, or Apostles Creed.
Gloria: "Glory", of course; full title is "Gloria in Excelsis Deo", or "Glory to God in the Highest".
Kyrie: "O Lord"; full title is "Kyrie eleison", or "Lord, have mercy".
Sanctus: "Holy" or "saint".

So, using those definitions, Kyrie is god and Sanctus is the saint who would emulate her glory, despite being merely mortal. Credo believes in her and dies for that belief, Agnus makes the sacrifices necessary for her ascension, Gloria is false praise.

All of Nero's story is a metaphor for Vergil's return to the light. By seeking Kyrie, he is seeking God, holiness, and purity. He is willing to give up quite literally everything for her forgiveness and her love, a major shift from his previous desire to become a god rather than praise one. It explains why Kyrie could make up the core of Silver Giga all by her lonesome; only the purest of pure virgin power could run that thing.

There's a whole concept running through the game about the meaning of demons, angels, humans, and god. Consider Nelo Angelo - a "black angel" who's part demon and part human, the result of love between people of different worlds. And Vergil's namesake, a poet who would never see heaven because he wasn't holy enough, but wasn't damned to hell because he hadn't sinned enough. Always trapped between definitions, with one thing to guide him: Love. Love for his brother (who he once guided and now was guided by), love for an ideal (which is pretty much all Kyrie amounts to).

Kyrie forgives Nero, accepting him regardless of his demonic origins and past sins for the sake of power. And so he is purified by god and finally allowed peace at her side.

Because seriously, there is no way that the makers of this game are so fecking stupid as to give Nero the name he has and have him wielding Yamato if he isn't some version of Vergil. What would be the point of that?

God, I hope somebody comes along and does an "unofficial" novel or comic for DMC4. 'Cause it's just ridiculous how much they leave to the imagination and then shrug and go "lol you figure it out". The rampant imagination of fanfic writers...

more half-assed theories and musing

2008-02-02T23:22:45Z

Riddle me this, Batman - what the hell is Kyrie supposed to be? I know, I know, she seems like your cookie-cutter damsel, she gets rescued, she stands around waiting to be rescued from the weakest of creatures, but Nero wasn't even comprising the core of Silver Giga, he was just being held captive in another part to keep him out of the way. She was running the whole colossus by herself in place of Dante. What is she?

And...the Hamlet cutscene with Agnus...and the last scene at the end...oh my God, the game has outdone itself. It's over. Shut down the contest, DMC4 wins for Corniest Shit Ever. It might - MIGHT - just barely contend with G-Gundam and s-CRY-ed. Hoshit, Nero is a color-inverted Domon Kasshu! He's a two-eyed Kazuma! These dumb punks running around screaming and using one fist to solve all their problems and it actually works.

So...when Vergil was trapped in the Underworld and got owned by Mundus, he used Yamato in place of Force Edge to cut Mundus off from Temen-ni-gru, so Mundus had to use another gateway. Evidently demon gates are like Hellmouths ala BtVS, they're all over the world, all sealed through complex rituals, with small holy orders set as guardians over them. Mallet, Dumary, Dante's city, Fortuna...pretty wicked. Sparda probably went everywhere checking demon gates and making sure they were secure, spending time in each place that had one. Hmm.

Okay, so apparently Trish got into the Order by giving them Sparda. Giving them Sparda. I bet she waltzed in and was like "OH HAI lookit wut I found" and Sanctus was like "FOR GREAT JUSTICE" and Dante was like "OMG hor WTF did you do?!". But considering how cavalier he was about giving Nero the Yamato to keep, he couldn't have been too upset about a bad situation turning into a raging clusterfuck thanks to his and his partner's antics. And what was up with that? I guess we really won't see Vergil ever again, if his childhood sword's been traded off to his...whatever Nero is. Is Nero really Vergil? Sparda reincarnated? Some kind of clone? He has Sparda's blood, that's for sure, but how? Eh, there's a chunk of cutscenes that's yet to be uploaded, so we'll see.

I can't deny I was just a little disappointed despite the explosive win of the game. It just feels like DMC finally went full mainstream, and with the mainstream status came all the par-for-the-course flaws that mess up other games. Plus, DMC1, DMC2 and DMC3 were their own games with their own individual enemies, characters, and concepts, while DMC4 is trying way too hard overall to be DMC1: The Next Generation. Only with more bad language, sex, and predictable story tropes.

Ah, well. Silver Giga is fuckin' terrifying. I look forward to getting killed by that thing.

darkmanifest @ 2008-01-01T04:47:00

2008-01-01T09:50:07Z

Gravity - A Perfect Circle

Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way

Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live

I fell again
Like a baby
Unable to stand on my own

Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live

Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
Help me survive the bottom

Calm these hands before they
Snare another pill and
Drive another nail down another
Needy hole, please, release me

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live

I choose to live.

his milkshake brings every damn body to the yard

2007-12-09T01:47:53Z

Patrick Ribbsaeter. Part Thai, part Swedish, all asdhjskhds lord have mercy.

sex. mayhem. whatever.

2007-12-08T17:11:26Z

The Doom Generation was alternately hot and horrific, with an ending that completely shattered the rule Bad Things Don't Happen To The Heroes (At Least Not The Really Bad Things). I've run into this kind of climax before and it always depresses the absolute hell out of me. But unlike the rest of them, which I fervently wish I never had the pleasure to read at all, I don't regret watching this.

It framed sex in a fun way that wasn't camera-conscious, sex for its own sake, not for the sake of the audience, selfish, hormone-driven, unconventional. The way it handled nudity, like something that just is, not something awkward and complicated, was awesome. The sexual tension between the boys was utterly tasty and actually kind of sweet. And for a film with such intentionally nihilistic overtones, for some reason I found myself genuinely caring about the characters and wanting them to end well, and I never got the impression they didn't care about each other in their own depthless, fucked up ways. What was mostly an absurd, vapid, grotesque trek through a teenage capitalist wasteland was also an empathetic self-deprecating modern tragedy of lack and take, with no one aware of the punchline that's dripping blood all over the place.

Also, all three of the main characters was really fucking hot. Like, consciously so. You could just tell the director picked each of them somewhat for their ability to be excruciatingly gorgeous on screen. Rose McGowan still cannot act to save her life and is an agony to watch sometimes, but now I realize she's so cool that I can forgive that. In this one instance, personal character trumps actual talent. Johnathon Schaech may have spontaneously impregnated me through the movie, and that's just fine with me. It's a shame he didn't go on to the same awesomeness that James Duval did, as I think he carried the insanity of the script on his sculpted shoulders very well. Another one of those slinky bad boys doomed to B-movie brilliance, like Josh Harnett and Brendan Fehr, and maybe that's for the best. Hollywood scrubs screen presence like theirs to marketable blankness that erases all that was appealing about them in the first place, that nasty fuck-off malevolence contrasted with real vulnerability that I love so much.

Damn, I wish I smoked.

the internet has ruint me...RUINT ME

2007-11-21T10:49:33Z

2girls1cup. And of course, I was eating when I first started watching it. Also, 2girls1finger, which is as bad/even worse.

I think I've crossed the final threshold of having seen every grotesque thing human beings can legally and consensually do. It's sort of refreshing.

Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep.

and they don't even pull out gats when their steak is burned!

2007-09-23T16:15:53Z

Oho, this is great. This is just what I needed to entertain me in the midst of this infuriating Jena 6 debacle: Good old fashioned foot-in-mouth stupidity.

O'REILLY: That's right. That's right. There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, "M-Fer, I want more iced tea."

WILLIAMS: Please --

O'REILLY: You know, I mean, everybody was -- it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all.

"Hoshit, them darkies eat with forks just like us! Whoda thunk?" I ask you: What the hell did he expect? It's an acclaimed restaurant. They keep order just like any other decent restaurant. That it's primarily populated by those confounding black folks has no bearing. Maybe considering he's probably been to a majority-black area all of three times in his life, it was a surprise to him. But you don't say it like that. You say, "Wow, I didn't realize I had such a racist impression of black-run establishments, I really need to work on that profusely." You do not say, "Black people are finally aspiring to white civilized behavior! We so proud o' you!"

You know, everyone says dumb shit now and then. But this guy is like paid to talk and not be a moron - you'd think his standards would be higher than the average dumbass. You'd think.

I need an icon that says, "Muthafucka, I want more iced tea!" Alas, The Hatta will just have to do

on today's list of things i was better off not knowing

2007-09-12T15:25:03Z

For reasons I do not want to explain, I was searching hits on Google for nipple color in relation to skin color.

There's such a thing in this world as nipple lightening cream. To bleach your fucking nips. For those pink nipples that are so much sexier than dark nipples. Place your order today and never endure another moment of melanin-inflicted baby feeders!

That's it. I give up. I just plain give up.

thoughts during raw dmc episode 4 (in order)

2007-07-12T00:25:49Z

"What the jiggy, Lady? Glad you ditched the bike helmet and jumpsuit, that was kinda lame."

"TRIIIIIIISSSHHH."

"That black leather coat is HOT."

"Wait, they're gonna fight? CHICK FIGHT CHICK FIGHT."

"Trish better kick her ass, come on, not even a contest."

"WTF blue lightning? Is she channeling Alastor now?"*

"CHIIIIICK FIGHT YES."

"Why the hell is Dante reading a fashion magazine? Does he want to feel pretty?"

"Patty interval. Tuning out now. Her outfit's cute, though."

"'Bout time Dante started sounding like himself."

"Generic swords on the wall. No sign of Alastor or Vendetta or any of them. Bastards."

"TRIIIIIISSSSH."

"LADY SHOPS?!"

"LOL shoot out at Bloomingdale's."

"Fan service...no way Lady doesn't wear a bra in her line of work, I mean, that's just cockeyed."

"New outfit, sweet, that old one was getting crusty."

"Okay, the priest is evil. How obvious can you get?"

"White does not suit you, babe."

"CHIIIIIICK FIIIIIIGHT."

"No respect for the lord's house, none."

"Trish could totally take a bullet."

"Whoa, this is kinda hot."

"Lady's winning? In what universe?"

"Uhp, pwned her ass."

"See, that's what you get for not shooting people when you have the chance."

"What, are they gonna start hair-pulling now...oh."

"Dante to the rescue! Commence with the joyful reunion between partners...damn it, kiss, hug, shake hands, anything. COME ON."

"Wait, where the hell is the Sparda sword?"

"And for that matter, the amulet?"

"No idea what's going on, but methinks a threesome is in the near future."

"Evil priest, yeah, called it."

"Am I high or does he look like Mundus?"

"TRIPLE THREAT ATTACK BITCHES."

"Thank God the white's gone. NOW KISS. How am I supposed to get suggestive screenshots if you're never closer than three feet in one frame? Jesus."

"Wait, Trish is leaving? NOOOOOO."

"OH LAWD. Lady, take it back, TAKE IT BACK."

"...this is really hot."

"Hahahaha, Dante footed with the bill. Joke's on you, you eunuch."

"And so the lesbian lovers ride off laughing into the sunset, the end."

*Apparently they couldn't use yellow lightning because that might cause epileptic fits in a percentage of viewers. Or something. Whatever.

in the name of the moon, i shall get gangsta on your happy ass!

2007-07-09T06:42:08Z

I dreamed I was Sailor Moon. Ugh. The fact that the English theme song has been burned into my memory to the point where I can dream with it repeating over and over again without flaws says something about me that I'm not sure is flattering.

But that show was hot. Finally, a real girl superhero group, fighting against female villains, and kicking real ass. Often with a valuable lesson about life and friendship attached. Cheesy on occasion? Oh, god, yes. Absolutely fecking brillaint? You bet your fuku.

Man, now I'm all nostalgic. Sailor Moon was my introduction into anime and girl-centric heroes. I was obsessed, waking up every morning before school to watch it and writing little mini essays about the characters and their relationships. I was a total moony.

Damn. I still am a moony.

...

Moon power, bitches.